5 Jan

"Felix2" by Inna Sokolskaya
“Felix2″ illustration by Inna Sokolskaya

There are certain factors that render a man ready to settle down and I describe them below. However, I think on an average, these developments are accomplished between the ages of 27-34 in men. In stimulating cities like New York and LA, it is more difficult for a man to achieve the following developments because of the maximizing attitude of both men and women due to the plethora of choices in romantic partners, activities, and career opportunities. They will probably be on the higher end of this range or perhaps above it.

Nonetheless, a man is generally ready to settle down when:


A man is ready to settle down when he no longer feels the need to validate himself through female affirmation.

It is a clear indication that a man settled prematurely when he still needs to pad his ego by by seeking sexual reciprocation from other women.

In some men, this is manifested through the ‘peter pan syndrome’. You know the ones I’m talking about: the men in their 30′s and 40′s who feel like they are missing out if they don’t visit the new hot spot, dye their hair, sport the flashy car, and constantly surround themselves with people and atmospheres that make them feel younger (particularly younger women). These men have been dating for so long that this bachelor lifestyle has become a sort of routine and they somehow lost track of what was the point of it in the first place. Some of them eventually start a family and not always because they are truly ready to settle down, but because starting a family was on the agenda. They still crave that same lifestyle and may continue to pursue women in various ways. These men are not ideal partners because they still require validation.

Some men can achieve this stage very early on because they have healthy egos, pursue activities they are passionate about that build their self esteem, and have had the necessary life experiences to facilitate such development; some may never achieve this or achieve it when it is not optimal for them to settle down. Men are a lot more lax about their age since they don’t feel the impending doom of the biological clock until much later. Unfortunately, for those who do plan on eventually having a family, there is a cost to this because male sperm loses quality after 35 years of age similarly to the way female fertility diminishes. Although they may still be able to impregnate, the risks for genetic disorders in offspring increases and many of these diseases (such as schizophrenia) will not rear their ugly ahead until the children reach a certain age.


In an earlier post, I surmised that a successful relationship comprises of Knowledge, Respect, Care, and Effort. This means that both people must be capable of giving in these ways. When people, particularly men, are still immature they view love in terms of what they receive. Falling in love and being infatuated with a girl naturally leads to wanting her reciprocation and supplying her with adoration. However, this can soon wear off if it is not actively sustained. Sustaining a healthy idealization of an individual comes more easily when you really know them and admire them for the human being that they are. Further, care and effort is needed to nurture the relationship and some men need a relationship or two to understand that you can’t take a good thing for granted.

Some men are incapable; sociopaths who are low on empathy will have a difficult time giving love since they have a hard time understanding the point of view of others. Their inability to relate prevents them from truly knowing an individual and thus respecting them in a meaningful way. Their care and effort is exerted to satisfy personal goals rather than to promote the well being and goals of the other. This may go unnoticed until the goals of the loved come in conflict with those of the sociopath.

Women are naturally more nurturing so the ability to love in these ways may come to them sooner.


A man is only as good as his word. The mark of a real man is that he is honest and keeps his promises. This is also the mark of a mentally healthy and stable human being.

Breaking promises is a sure sign that a man has not matured. Repeat offenders of this crime are possibly liars, as well, but it is also possible that they have not stabilized their lives and feel chaos inside. In that case, they likely break promises to themselves as often as they do to others.

Constant lying and breaking of promises is also a warning sign that the person may be a sociopath (or has antisocial personality disorder). As I mentioned, these individuals have difficulties in all the factors that are necessary for settling down but integrity is the most obvious. Integrity comes easier to people who are high in empathy, but even those are not extremely high on it may learn the lesson that it ultimately serves the individual who prescribes to it.



  1. Alfonso Humes March 15, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

    This design is wicked! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

Trackbacks and Pingbacks

  1. LOVE LAB » Blog Archive » Karen asks LOVELAB - January 13, 2009

    [...] some men are simply more capable of care in and of itself due to higher empathy (see my post on THE AGE A MAN SHOULD SETTLE DOWN). It may be easier for them to care for all people, not just the ones they [...]

  2. LOVE LAB » Blog Archive » BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA: A Romance - January 22, 2009

    [...] 31 and Michelle was 28. His age falls nicely into the age bracket I specified in my post on “THE AGE A MAN SHOULD SETTLE DOWN“. They were both well educated and on track for a successful career; they were equals and, as [...]

  3. WHAT’S HE REALLY AFTER (Faina asks LOVELAB) | LOVE LAB - February 9, 2009

    [...] earlier post, I believe that men in that age category are prime candidates for settling down (see THE AGE A MAN SHOULD SETTLE DOWN). This is around the time when they have gotten their careers somewhat on track and also have had [...]

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