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Check out our fun and flirty merchandise on the PRODUCTS page. LOVE LAB clothes and accessories are meant to encourage communication and give an excuse to say hello. We are currently displaying our exclusive images on pet clothes (what better way to break the ice anyway???). However, human clothes will be included in the next few weeks for this series, as well as others. ENJOY!
What does a late 20s – early 30s man really want from a woman?
LOVELAB SAYS:
Dear Faina,
As I have written in an earlier post, I believe that men in that age category are prime candidates for settling down (see THE AGE A MAN SHOULD SETTLE DOWN). This is around the time when they have gotten their careers somewhat on track and also have had enough relationship experience to have an idea of what it is they are looking for in a woman. Yet, they are not quite so old as to get used to being alone and settle into their bachelor routine. The government sites with marriage statistics show that the average age of for men is between 26-27, and this hasn’t changed much in the last century…however, this was dated back to 2003.
I found the following marriage statistic for US on www.nationamaster.com for the median age of males for 2008:
This seemed a bit high and I wasn’t sure how reliable this site was, so I looked up a government census site, which gave a statistic by state for 2007. Here are the top 5 states (NY being #3 with the median male age being 29.9 for first marriage):
At this point, men may be unlikely to jump into a serious relationship with a girl unless she fits into the profile of the kind of girl they see in the long term. If you fit the bill, they will pursue you seriously and will exhibit relationship seeking behaviors; if you don’t they will probably pursue you for sex. Some of the behaviors that indicate each respective motivation are described in one of my earlier posts (SIGNS HE ONLY WANTS YOU FOR SEX).
There are, of course, exceptions. Some men never settle down and some always remain users, even when they settle down. Overall though, I think that this is the most appealing category of men to date. There was a server issue this weekend so I apologize for the delay in this response (as well as any other ASK LOVELAB Q&A’s currently in queue).
I get it, I really do. I understand it – I pick out a mate for the purpose of my reproduction. My genes dictate that I find that right one – even if it’s a settled but safe lover, and stick to them. As you put it so eloquently in your earlier articles, marriage is nothing but a social (and legal) contract to ensure the welfare of offspring. So then by today’s societal standards, we find someone we’re willing to work with – someone who we feel has the same values for parenthood. We pick them, have a relationship, and when the excitement dies – you start a family. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTkp9UqVVHs
But what if you’re not after marriage? What if you found someone who you feel can offer your offspring all that is needed but do not want a family? What happens when you agree that you’re great for each other but don’t want to take that next step (for circumstantial reasons – career, money, etc.). Then by definition, the relationship will continue until your passion and excitement dies out.
Do you just go on day by day until that happens? Do you wait for the relationship wilts or for one of us to commit adultery? What happens when that initial thrill, those butterflies of love die out and you’re left with of a relationship to have a family but no desire to start one? Do you end it? What if you don’t want to hurt the other person? Now what?
LOVELAB SAYS:
Dear TE,
Not all relationships fizzle out. Sure, many do. But I think it is underestimated how many are alive and strong with these rumors of outrageous divorce rates flying around (the statistics diverge when you consider women who are over 23 years of age and college educated, diminishing that notorious 50%). I think many couples simply don’t have the skills (mainly communication skills) necessary to sustain long term love.
To give you an uplifting example, I assisted in an fMRI study which looked at couples who were in love for over 10 years. These individuals were happy and vibrant and they were absolutely in love (with sex and all) with their partner, whether they were 40 years old or 60 years old! When looking at their loved ones in an fMRI, similar brain regions were activated (amongst additional ones) as those which were seen in couples who have recently fallen in love. What is more, several studies indicate that these people are not as unique in our society as we have been conditioned to think (I suppose happily married couples don’t make for fun media/television/movie subjects). The following article talks a little about this work: http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2009/01_25-34/LIF
